When parents decide to divorce, and conversations about who gets the kids intensify, many people assume mothers automatically have the upper hand. After all, Mom usually ends up with the kids, right? Meanwhile, Dad can get every other weekend—if he is lucky.
We will not go so far as to say this perception is a figment of your imagination—national statistics even show that mothers receive roughly 65% of custody time on average, compared to fathers, who receive roughly 35% of custody time. That said, it is unfair to assume that fathers automatically do not stand a chance in custody cases. These numbers, while technically accurate on paper, only tell part of the story. Child custody decisions are far more nuanced and deserve a deeper look.
The Best Interest of the Child
The court’s primary concern is what makes the most sense for the child—today, tomorrow, and for years to come. This is called the best interest of the child, and it is unequivocally the standard in decisions related to issues of conservatorship, possession, and access.
Contrary to popular belief, courts do not favor mothers over fathers based on gender alone. Instead, their decision is based on each parent’s ability to meet the child’s physical, emotional, and developmental needs. Per the Texas Family Code, decisions made in custody cases are based on several factors related to the child, including, but not limited to, the following:
- The physical and emotional needs of the child
- If there is any physical or emotional danger
- Each parent’s ability to provide a safe and stable home
- What each party’s plans are for the child
- Cooperation between parents
- What each party’s parenting skills are
- The child’s age, needs, and connection with each parent
- Each parent’s involvement in the child’s daily life
- Any history of abuse, neglect, substance abuse, or family violence
- The child’s preferences (if they are old enough)
So, if a father satisfactorily checks all of these boxes, has a strong relationship with his child, and wants to be actively involved in parenting, he will have the same child custody opportunities as the mother. Furthermore, when both parents are equally capable, the court may lean toward shared possession rather than purposely and unnecessarily limiting one parent’s relationship with their child.
But Why Is There Still Such a Large Discrepancy in Who Gets the Kids?
If all of this is true—that fathers have just as much legal standing and rights as mothers—why do the statistics and perception suggest otherwise? Great question. Here are a few reasons or factors that many people overlook:
- Although not always true, mothers are more likely to request primary custody.
- In turn, many fathers may not seek equal custody due to work schedules, financial concerns, or other factors.
- Mothers are often already serving as the primary caregiver in the marriage, which tends to preserve continuity for the kids.
- Not every custody case involves parents with a win-at-all-costs mentality. Many of these decisions are made and agreed upon peacefully by both parents, often outside the courtroom (mediation), without a judge’s involvement or intervention.
It is worth noting that Texas courts generally prefer joint or shared custody arrangements over giving one parent full custody. This is because the court prioritizes preserving the parent-child relationship whenever possible. This is especially true when both parents are considered fit and want what is best for their children. That said, shared custody (both parents share decision-making for the child) does not always mean the child spends equal time with both parents. For instance, one parent might have the child living with them most of the time. The other parent (non-primary parent) has shared decision-making and a scheduled visitation plan.
The takeaway? Do not look at numbers or perceptions alone.
No two child custody cases are the same, and the decisions made are often shaped more by personal decisions, family dynamics, and practical considerations—not legal bias. Today, more fathers are fighting—and winning—for equal time and involvement. And family courts are increasingly supportive of those efforts, as long as they align with the best interests of the child.
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Regardless of your family law matter, you need an advisor to guide you through each stage and help you deal with the fears that naturally come with that. We work diligently to achieve a result that ensures you receive what you are entitled to as you move forward onto the next stage of your life. The Nelson Law Group brings two decades of family law experience to every case.
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