Your marriage has been on the rocks for quite some time, and as you carefully navigate the divorce process, you come to realize that it is time to move on emotionally and start anew. While this is a pivotal step for anyone coming to terms with their unchosen journey ahead, it is essential that you not be tempted to date someone new—at least not until after your divorce is finalized.
This advice may seem like a no-brainer for many people. However, for others, turning their attention to a new relationship sooner rather than later makes them feel wanted and loved during a time when loneliness and low self-esteem are prevalent. We cannot blame someone for feeling this way, and we sincerely hope that you find love again. But injecting a third party into the divorce is one of the most common mistakes people make. Here are just a few quick reasons why:
If You Date During Your Divorce, You Run the Risk of Dealing With These Setbacks
You will be distracted from dealing with your emotions.
While nothing is as exciting as a new romance, you have to deal with your feelings if you ever plan to let go of all the pain, anger, low self-esteem, and other feelings you have bottled up inside you. Not dealing with them means you will never be ready to commit to a new relationship fully. You may also end up repeating the same mistakes that you made in your marriage.
Dating during your divorce affects your children.
The real losers of a divorce are children. None of this is their fault, yet they must learn to manage their own emotions and adapt to their new reality. Dating creates confusion and chaos and, more than likely, pulls your attention away from helping your children cope and places it where it does not need to be. Your children deserve your undivided attention now more than ever.
It could complicate co-parenting and child custody.
Speaking of the children, your soon-to-be ex-spouse may struggle to co-parent with you amicably moving forward. Even worse, they may have concerns about where your loyalties lie—with your children or your new significant other. This could affect everything from how negotiations on parenting agreements go to what your child custody agreement might look like.
Your divorce could end up costing more money.
Anything that can potentially drag out a divorce proceeding or make it more complicated for you to agree on a settlement will most likely mean more money toward attorney fees and court costs. Believe it or not, choosing to date during your divorce is one of those factors.
Dealing with your spouse will be harder if you date.
Though it is really none of their business, how do you think your spouse will react when they find out you are seeing someone else? More often than not, it will not be pleasant, making negotiating, reaching settlements, and so on, that much more challenging. It is better to avoid escalating conflict by not dating during your divorce.
The person you are dating may be negatively impacted.
The person you are dating will almost surely feel the brunt of your ongoing legal battles with the divorce. Perhaps they are frustrated by having to vie for your time. Maybe they are being put in the middle of arguments with your ex or being thrust into the divorce process. In either case, anything that happens next is unfair to them. It is better to wait until after you are divorced to start dating again.
Your divorce settlement options could be limited.
Even if you and your spouse know the marriage is over, you are still married until a judge says otherwise. If you are spending money on someone else, that could raise the issue of wasting community assets on things like dating, etc.
You may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Sometimes, people date during divorce to cope with loneliness, boredom, or rejection. This can lead to rebound relationships that are not based on genuine compatibility and often end in disappointment.
You develop a risk for more heartbreak.
While starting a new relationship might feel good at first, it can also increase the likelihood of heartbreak. Both you and the person you are dating may not be in a position to give or receive the level of emotional investment a healthy relationship requires.
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